S3E17 – Why Your Child Fights for Control — and How to Respond

Dec 9, 2025

In this episode of the Parent Companion for Play Therapy series, I talk about how many challenging behaviors in young children can be traced back to one core issue: power and control. Melanie wrote in with concerns about her two-and-a-half-year-old nephew — picky eating, tantrums, saying “no” to everything, refusing to follow directions, and melting down when overwhelmed. I walk through how each of these behaviors connects to a child’s need to feel some sense of control in their world, especially when so much of daily life is directed by adults.

I also explain why giving in during big outbursts reinforces the escalation cycle, how choices help empower kids in healthy ways, why neutrality matters when setting limits, and how reflecting feelings helps children feel understood even in difficult moments. These principles help reduce power struggles and create a calmer, more connected relationship — even when behaviors feel overwhelming.

Ask Me Questions: Call ‪(813) 812-5525‬, or email: [email protected]
My Book: Device Detox: A Parent’s Guide To Reducing Usage, Preventing Tantrums, And Raising Happier Kids – https://a.co/d/bThnKH9
Podcast HQ: https://www.playtherapyparenting.com/
My Newsletter Signup: https://www.playtherapyparenting.com/newsletter/
My Podcast Partner, Gabb Wireless: https://www.playtherapyparenting.com/gabb/

Common Play Therapy References:
Cochran, N., Nordling, W., & Cochran, J. (2010). Child-Centered Play Therapy (1st ed.). Wiley.
VanFleet, R., Sywulak, A. E., & Sniscak, C. C. (2010). Child-centered play therapy. Guilford Press.
Landreth, G.L. (2023). Play Therapy: The Art of the Relationship (4th ed.). Routledge.
Bratton, S. C., Landreth, G. L., Kellam, T., & Blackard, S. R. (2006). Child parent relationship therapy (CPRT) treatment manual: A 10-session filial therapy model for training parents. Routledge/Taylor & Francis Group.
Benedict, Helen. Themes in Play Therapy. Used with permission to Heartland Play Therapy Institute.

Subscribe to The Kid Counselor Family email to get a FREE “Birth Order” Workshop

Birth Order: How it Affects Your Child’s Personality

Subscribe to the email newsletter today and get INSTANT ACCESS to a video-recorded workshop I conducted on this topic.

You’ll learn:

The hidden influences of birth order on personality traits
How birth order impacts your child’s relationships and success
Practical strategies for leveraging birth order dynamics in parenting

Subscribe now and take the first step towards understanding and nurturing your child’s unique personality!

Get Brenna’s Latest Book

Device Detox: A Parent’s Guide To Reducing Usage, Preventing Tantrums, And Raising Happier Kids.

Buy Now

“Dr. Brenna Hicks does an excellent job of sketching the problem, but the book shines brightest when Dr. Hicks offers a suite of practical, evidence-based strategies for coping with screen overuse in children. A valuable book that deserves to be read by parents everywhere.”

ADAM ALTER

New York Times bestselling author of IRRESISTIBLE and DRUNK TANK PINK