S4E18 - Why Does My Child Fight Me Over Everything? (And How to Stop the Power Struggle)

Episode summary

In this episode, I answer a question from a mom whose six-year-old can be cooperative one minute and completely defiant the next. I explain why behavior like refusing to get in the car, undoing something positive after being praised, or digging in when asked to do something is often less about "bad behavior" and more about a child's need for power and control. When we understand what is driving the behavior, we can respond differently instead of getting pulled into the power struggle.

I also share how intentional choice giving can help children feel more empowered throughout the day, even when the actual expectation is not negotiable. I walk through what that can look like in a real-life situation like getting into the car, why staying calm and neutral matters, and why encouragement is more helpful than praise when we want children to develop confidence, responsibility, and internal motivation.