S2E24 - When Encouragement Backfires: Reflecting Feelings and Building Esteem in Sensitive Kids

Episode summary

In this episode, I address a question from Nell in Ireland about using encouragement and esteem-building techniques with a sensitive child who doesn't respond well in challenging moments. I discuss the importance of ensuring our tone of voice and facial expressions are congruent with the child's emotional state, especially when they're frustrated or struggling. I emphasize the value of reflecting feelings before offering encouragement. This approach validates the child's emotions and creates a connection, making them more receptive to encouragement. I also touch on the necessity of setting limits when a child reacts inappropriately, such as pushing or hitting. Finally, I explain why we should persist with encouragement and esteem-building, even when children initially resist. These techniques communicate our belief in their capabilities, contribute to a positive self-fulfilling prophecy, and help shape their self-concept through the "looking glass self" principle. I reassure parents that as a child's self-esteem increases, so will their frustration tolerance, making them more receptive to encouragement over time.