S2E51 – Toilet Training at 9 or 10? You’re Not Alone—and There Is Hope for Older Kids

Aug 27, 2025

In this episode, I respond to a listener question from a mom struggling with her nearly 10-year-old son’s ongoing toileting issues. If you’ve ever felt isolated, frustrated, or overwhelmed because your child isn’t toilet trained at an age when society says they “should be,” you are not alone. I walk through why toileting can be an anxiety-driven control issue, especially for children on the autism spectrum, and how to start a compassionate, step-by-step desensitization process to bring about change—without shame, punishment, or pressure.

This episode is especially important if your older child is still having accidents or refusing to use the toilet, even after years of effort. I help you reframe this issue through a child-centered lens, emphasizing regulation, consistency, and empathy. Most of all, I want to give you hope: this can change, and your child can succeed. You are not failing, and your child is not broken.

Ask Me Questions: Call ‪(813) 812-5525‬, or email: [email protected]
My Book: Device Detox: A Parent’s Guide To Reducing Usage, Preventing Tantrums, And Raising Happier Kids – https://a.co/d/bThnKH9
Podcast HQ: https://www.playtherapyparenting.com/
My Newsletter Signup: https://www.playtherapyparenting.com/newsletter/
My Podcast Partner, Gabb Wireless: https://www.playtherapyparenting.com/gabb/

Common Play Therapy References:
Cochran, N., Nordling, W., & Cochran, J. (2010). Child-Centered Play Therapy (1st ed.). Wiley.
VanFleet, R., Sywulak, A. E., & Sniscak, C. C. (2010). Child-centered play therapy. Guilford Press.
Landreth, G.L. (2023). Play Therapy: The Art of the Relationship (4th ed.). Routledge.
Bratton, S. C., Landreth, G. L., Kellam, T., & Blackard, S. R. (2006). Child parent relationship therapy (CPRT) treatment manual: A 10-session filial therapy model for training parents. Routledge/Taylor & Francis Group.
Benedict, Helen. Themes in Play Therapy. Used with permission to Heartland Play Therapy Institute.

Subscribe to The Kid Counselor Family email to get a FREE “Birth Order” Workshop

Birth Order: How it Affects Your Child’s Personality

Subscribe to the email newsletter today and get INSTANT ACCESS to a video-recorded workshop I conducted on this topic.

You’ll learn:

The hidden influences of birth order on personality traits
How birth order impacts your child’s relationships and success
Practical strategies for leveraging birth order dynamics in parenting

Subscribe now and take the first step towards understanding and nurturing your child’s unique personality!

Get Brenna’s Latest Book

Device Detox: A Parent’s Guide To Reducing Usage, Preventing Tantrums, And Raising Happier Kids.

Buy Now

“Dr. Brenna Hicks does an excellent job of sketching the problem, but the book shines brightest when Dr. Hicks offers a suite of practical, evidence-based strategies for coping with screen overuse in children. A valuable book that deserves to be read by parents everywhere.”

ADAM ALTER

New York Times bestselling author of IRRESISTIBLE and DRUNK TANK PINK