S3E37 - The Pendulum Swing: Why Kids Go to Extremes Before They Find Balance
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Episode summary
In this episode, I explain the concept of the pendulum swing and why it is such an important picture for understanding what happens in child-centered play therapy. When children have felt powerless in everyday life, the permissive playroom gives them a chance to experience the opposite. They are allowed to take charge, make decisions, and even swing all the way into dictatorial power. That can look extreme, but it is actually part of the healing process. Children are testing what power feels like because they have spent so much of life feeling like they had none.
Over time, they discover that neither extreme feels good. Having no power feels awful, but having all the power feels awful too. Through the freedom of the playroom and the safety of the therapeutic relationship, children learn that balance is what actually feels right. This is how regulation develops. They move from black-and-white extremes toward a healthy middle, and that process helps parents understand why children may seem to "ping pong" for a while before they settle.