S2E39 – Potty Training Power Struggles: What’s Really Going On?

Mar 20, 2025

In this episode, I answer a question from Claire, a mom of 4-year-old twins, who’s navigating the challenges of potty training and trying to decide if limits or consequences are appropriate when accidents happen. I talk through the developmental reality of toileting at this age, the somatic and emotional components that impact bodily regulation, and why accidents—even when a child “should know better”—are often not about defiance.

I also share why I don’t recommend using rewards or taking things away for potty behavior, and how to respond calmly and neutrally with a gentle reminder of expectations instead. Whether you’re in the middle of potty training or just want insight on how kids express control and process emotion through their bodies, this episode will help you shift perspective and parent with more patience and confidence.

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Common Play Therapy References:
Cochran, N., Nordling, W., & Cochran, J. (2010). Child-Centered Play Therapy (1st ed.). Wiley.
VanFleet, R., Sywulak, A. E., & Sniscak, C. C. (2010). Child-centered play therapy. Guilford Press.
Landreth, G.L. (2023). Play Therapy: The Art of the Relationship (4th ed.). Routledge.
Bratton, S. C., Landreth, G. L., Kellam, T., & Blackard, S. R. (2006). Child parent relationship therapy (CPRT) treatment manual: A 10-session filial therapy model for training parents. Routledge/Taylor & Francis Group.
Benedict, Helen. Themes in Play Therapy. Used with permission to Heartland Play Therapy Institute.

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