S4E13 - How Do My Words Shape My Child's Self-Esteem?

Episode summary

In this episode, I answer a collection of parent questions around one central concern: what do we do when a child seems to be struggling with who they are? I talk about signs that can point to a shaky sense of identity, including anxiety, negative self-talk, constantly changing how they present socially, and difficulty believing in their own competence. I introduce the concept of the "looking glass self" and explain how children gradually form beliefs about themselves based on what is reflected back to them by the people around them.

I also explain why both criticism and excessive praise can interfere with healthy self-concept development, and why encouragement is so powerful. When parents consistently communicate messages like "I trust you," "I believe in you," and "you can figure this out," children begin to internalize those beliefs for themselves. What we reflect back to our children matters, and over time, those reflections help shape who they believe they are becoming.