S3E21 - Helping Kids Speak Up in Co-Parenting Situations

Episode summary

In this episode, I answer a question from Deborah about co-parenting, shared custody, and how to support a 12-year-old who doesn't want to go back and forth between homes. I explain why, even at this age, kids are still not comfortable using words to handle emotionally charged situations, especially when feelings are involved. Expecting a child to clearly and calmly advocate for themselves in a tense relational situation often reflects adulthood bias, not developmental reality.

I walk through why it still matters for the child's voice to be heard, but how parents can support that in developmentally appropriate ways. Instead of forcing a single approach, I explain how offering choices around how a child communicates gives them ownership, buy-in, and a sense of control. I also talk about why adults often focus too much on a child's words instead of the message underneath, and how shifting that focus can change the outcome of difficult conversations.